Is This A Dream?

Sometimes, to move forward with your life, you have to take a step back. That’s life, I’m AFRAID! Every year I live it seems to get harder and easier, life is such a contradiction. This last year I have made more money, indeed my whole family has made more money than we have ever had, but my happiness has dwindled to a depth I have never known. I really can’t figure out why! To put it into perspective I have two beautiful grandchildren and one on the way, all of whom have enriched my life to a level that must be close to paradise. My wife has a job, no, a career  that has transformed her from being more than a housewife. She has an added purpose to her life that doesn’t revolve just around her family. My children have jobs that may not lead to a fulfillment of their dreams, but financially, they are secure. So, I guess, my unhappiness stems from inside of me, I don’t know who I am. Or rather, I have never really known who I am. I have a full time job that I hate. I work permanent nights, which I hate. The only thing about the job that I don’t hate is the people I work with, who are collectively amazing. Despite that, its not what I want to do, or be. I guess I am secretly selfish, in reality, aren’t we all? I suppose I have to become much more selfish in order to realise my own dreams, to fulfill my own potential. I have decided this post is the start of a record of my later life that I hope begins here. A diary that will chart my emergence as a fully rounded person in my own right. I want to be proud of my own achievements yet to be realised. For now, that’s all.

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