Animals tend to like me but sometimes, I don’t have much luck when they’re around. We’ve had 3 dogs over the years and 2 cats, all alive at different times over a 25 year period.
One one occasion a puppy we had slept in our bedroom with a comfy little bed made for him at the side of our bed. I remember once that my alarm went off as normal at 5am for work. I swung my legs off the bed, put my feet on the floor and felt something warm and squishy under my foot. I turned the light on, looked down and saw puppy poo had oozed through my toes. The puppy was fast asleep as I hopped past him, swearing under my breath and all he could do was snore, uncaring of the mess he had unleashed on his new owner.
A few weeks later it became much worse, even traumatic and I’m positive my wife will not appreciate me letting the (Dog out of the bag) However, some things have to be shared because they’re so funny.
One evening we (Me and the wife) became very hot under the collar, (If you know what I mean) one thing led to another and we found ourselves entangled together on the living room carpet, with me flat on the carpet. You get the picture! We were having a wild time, oblivious to everything when I felt a strange sensation in the nether regions. It built up over a very short period of time so we ceased all movements and I looked down to see the puppy having an innocence feast on my testicles. I ushered the puppy away and sprang to my feet shocked and disgusted but instantly joined in with my laughing wife, who found it hilarious!!
During an earlier time when I still lived at my parents house, we had a black and white Collie. He was very strong, which I found out to my cost during one of his walks. Max, my Collie, had ran himself into the ground during our walk, his tongue hanging like a limp liver out of the side of his mouth. As we approached a main road on our way home, I put him back into his lead. The edge of the road was at the bottom of a steep grassy bank. We began the decent very slowly and calmly, until Max spotted a cat across the other side of the road. Then hell was unleashed!
Max used all of his strength and speed to get to the cat whilst my hand was wrapped around the lead. He dragged he across the road but only after he had jerked me so suddenly that I virtually flew over the grass like Superman! He eventually gave up his chase, which was good for me because the skin on my hand and chin was wearing very thin!
Eventually I limped home, keeping a very tight hold of his lead with blood seeping from my battle wounds.
I laughed about it eventually and loved him until he died a few years later, but after that ‘Benny Hill sketch ‘ I bought a much stronger steel lead with a double handle so I could use 2 hands when I saw potential danger during our walks.