It’s strange how life creeps up on you! A trivial event that seems unimportant happens, but actually, when you take the time to think about it, it’s significance forces you to understand and feel what’s important in your life.
The other week, at the end of a night out with very close friends and family, I suddenly felt uneasy, awkward and anxious, so I very quickly left the pub. My wife caught me up and asked me what was up, to which I replied I was uncomfortable and couldn’t stay around everyone, including my family . She was upset that I had “spoiled” her night and stormed off in front of me, arriving home before I did.
In her rush to follow me out of the pub, she had left something behind, so in a terrible mood, she went back into town to try and find it. (I think it was her e-cig) When she arrived back home I was asleep in bed. My wife actually woke me up to inform me that if I didn’t ‘Improve’ then we were over, finishing her drunken, crying rant with “I’m sorry, but I don’t love you anymore “.
I listened in a haze and eventually fell back to sleep. We spoke about it in the morning and she apologised, saying she didn’t mean it and it was just the alcohol talking!
So, I was/am confused! She knows I get anxious, and she knows I don’t know why I get anxious so how can I “Improve ” something when I have little to no control over my feelings!
When I try to talk to her about that night she shrugs it off as simply saying something you don’t mean whilst being drunk, adding I had said things in the past that I hadn’t meant but I’ve never told her I didn’t love her.
She, my wife, went on a weekend break with her best workmate recently to the coast. Normally, my wife will message me quite a lot to inform me of what she’s been doing and send me photographs of where she is. This time she messaged to let me know she’d arrived safely and once more to let me know she and her friend were about to leave for home.
I think there’s a problem but I can’t seem to put my finger on it. It feels strange, awkward and distant!
Maybe I should pull my finger out, man-up and push my anxiety to the back of my mind. I think it’s the least of my worries!