The world is full of weird, wonderful, quirky, strange and flatulent people. Unfortunately, I was on holiday with three of them and, (Joke) as a sort of icing on a crazy cake, some of the other people who were holidaying at the same time as us fell into that category!!
I find myself spoilt for choice but I’ll recall some of them. There was a Welshman staying at the complex with his girlfriend who seemed like a lovely chap. At some time in his past he had nearly drowned at sea after a wave had dislocated his shoulder, and so had a fear of deep water and had also lost the confidence to swim. He was constantly laughing, smiling and always joking but could only find the courage to walk around in the pool, occasionally pushing his girlfriend around on a floating Ice cream or rubber ring.
There was also a guy from the northeast of England who was very loud and obviously thrived on being heard. He was a bubbly chap and sometimes quite funny, but, and this is a BIG but, he was the type of chap who would cause you to go to A&E for emergency ear surgery if you spent more than 10 minutes in his company (More about him later)
There was a middle aged woman who was holidaying because her family had ordered her to “Get away, forget things and relax “. I think it’s fair to say she wasn’t exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree but she was straight talking and honest. (More about her during Bingo Gate)
The list is endless, but I will mention a few more later on.
So, back to pool shenanigans.
Stuart flashed his testicles once more. He had inadvertently put the same swim shorts on a couple of days after the first incident. He only realised he had worn the same ones when we went back to our apartment. But by then it was too late, the testicles had already been released yet again! I think some of the kids spotted them bobbing around like water mines but I didn’t say anything 😊 I thought he knew he’d put them back on😂😂
Angie (Mother hen) plucked up the courage to wear a bikini around the pool (Self conscious body issues) and Hens bravery appeared to have a knock-on effect because the following day, Jackie went to the shops to buy a bikini. She wore it around the pool and everybody else got an eyeful of her hairiest bits n bobs (Jokeeee) Speaking of baring all, mother hen became the unwitting victim of a little bit of Tom foolery. Whilst Stu and Jackie disappeared for a few hours up to the apartment one afternoon (Wink wink, the testicles were exercised methinks) myself and Hen went to the bar for a vodka and coke and relaxed on a sun lounger. As we chatted, the Welsh guy sneaked over and began to pull mother hens sun lounger towards the pools edge, causing one of our drinks to fall over as she panicked . Immediately, he went to the bar to replace them. Meanwhile, mother hen walked over to the poolside with the empty plastic beer cup to collect water to wash the vodka and coke away. The guy from the northeast (Ear protection at the ready) looked at me as Hen was stooping over the water and I gave a silent pushing motion. Prompt gleefully taken, he ran up behind her as she stood up quickly but toooooo late. She was thrown in!! The funny consequence was that her baps popped out when she hit the water, so like Stuart’s testicles, they said hello to the blue sky and floated free, released for all to see!!! She came spluttering to the surface, expletives pouring out of her mouth along with half of the pool (Bigggg mouth) (Jokeeee)
On a more serious note, Stuart nearly drowned in the pool (Not really) As I was pushing Hen around the pool on a blowup ice cream, we spotted Stuart swimming underwater, so Hen ordered me, in her most demanding, Hitler like, threatening voice, to push her over Stuart’s soon to resurface body. Out of fear, with trembling hands and knowing it was the wrong thing to do, I did as I was ordered!!!
He was instantly trapped under mother hens floating sun lounger, and fought for his life as Hen tried her evil best to prevent him from breathing the air he so desperately needed 😂😂 Actually, he spluttered a bit and accused me, Meeee!!! Of being the architect of his attempted murder!!! Preposterous I tell you, PREPOSTEROUS!!! Anyway, we had a laugh if nothing else.
Jackie was at first, a little bit reluctant to enter the water. Partly because it was a little bit to cold for her and partly because she’s a little bit taller than a dwarf 😂 So, she would sit by the side with her feet dangling in the water. All three of us encouraged her to take the plunge and jump in, reassuring her that after the first few seconds the water was comfortable and a welcome break from the searing heat of the sun. She was unwilling to just jump in so me and Stuart kindly helped her out by launching a load of cool water over her as she sat there screaming!! This left her with little choice but to jump in because she was drenched. So, in she jumped, and disappeared! She came to the surface, treading water. We asked her to put her feet on the bottom of the pool and stand up and she did. The water came to just below her nostrils when she was stood to her full height. Stuart was right, She really was a dwarf 😂
There’s a lot more to come in the next episode, including the reasons behind mine, Stuart’s and Jackie’s nicknames.