Mixed up Communication

Yesterday, before my daughter and I went for drinks and dinner for her birthday, I made a phone call to cancel a mobile phone contract.

I thought it would take no more than 10 minutes, how wrong I was!

I hadn’t used the soon to be deceased number for over 6 months. Incredibly, had forgotten all about it after my daughter had bought me a new phone for my birthday. It was only after I had bothered to actually look at a bank statement (Shame on me) and saw the unfamiliar phone bill that it occurred to me that I was paying for a phone contract that had expired several months previously.

Unsurprisingly, I waited for 10 minutes (Online) before one of those keyboard warriors opened up a chat window. I stupidly thought discussing problems and queries online was the quickest, most efficient mode of communication!!

I was very, very wrong!

I was talking (Typing) to a chap (I think) trying to explain that I wanted to cancel my contract. Eventually, after several attempts, he/she understood.

This is how the ‘Conversation’ went.

Him/her: Can you confirm your name please? I answered.

Him/her: Can you confirm your email please?

Me: Yes of course, but don’t you have it on your system?

Him/her: Yes we do sir, but we just need to confirm you are who you say you are.

Eyes rolling, I typed in the answer.

Him/her: Can you confirm the phone number that we are talking about please sir?

Me: Bloody hell, hang on, I’ve forgotten it. It’s in my address book!

Him/her: No problem sir, take your time.

Me: Cursing trying to find it!

Eventually, I find it and type it in.

Him/her: Thank you sir, that is correct. Can you confirm the answer to your secret question please sir?

Me: What was the question?

Him/her: Your secret question sir, the one you gave when you started the phone contract.

Me: I can’t remember! It’s over 2 years ago. Hang on, bloody hell! Could it be my mother’s maiden name?

Him/her: I can’t tell you that sir, you could be another person sir.

Me: But I’ve already confirmed who I am!

Him/her: Yes sir, but we have to go through these questions because of data protection.

Me: Bloody hell, ok, try Wedgwood.

Him/her: That is incorrect sir.

Me: Bloody hell, is it my first dogs name, Benji?

Him/her: That is incorrect sir.

Me: Steam shooting out of my ears. Bloody hell, is it my grandsons name, Asti?!!

Him/her: That is incorrect sir.

Me: Bloody hell, I don’t know it, I can’t remember it!!!

Him/her: It’s fine sir, don’t worry, the system has locked you out for 30 minutes sir, for security reasons.

Me: What do you mean, don’t worry!! So I’m stuck in a contract for a number I haven’t used for at least 6 months?

Him/her: No problem sir, we just have to wait for 30 minutes so we can try again sir.

Me: Eyes rolling, teeth gritted, head turning purple. I haven’t got 30 minutes , I have a life to live!

Him/her: If you prefer sir, you can take photo ID into your nearest branch and they can help you sir!

Me: Bloody hell, ok thanks for your help!! (Eyes rolling sarcastically)

Him/her: No problem sir, have a nice day.

Clickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

I have to admit, I laughed after we had stopped typing (I don’t know why)

Long story short, I took ID to the shop, and 1 hour later I was free from the shackles of an unused, defunct contract.

Never again!!

13 thoughts on “Mixed up Communication

  1. Hi John, I’ve thought when I have had basically the same experiences with ‘help desks’ etc. that those conversations were exactly the material of the two ronnies and so many other comedians of the 60s and 70s – the audience would laugh – on the assumption that it was all exaggeration and that such utter stupidity by those whose job it supposedly is to help could only be make-believe.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You have to laugh mate…..but the part of my brain that sees a gradual lockdown on people’s freedom would say that this maddening procedure is designed deliberately to make timid, conforming ants of us all. That said, I’d hate to be working on a help desk. What a shite existence!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. We bought a new Jeep last year and they included six months of satellite radio. We never used it. Certainly never renewed it and they send me mail, call, email or text me every second day begging me to come back. Dummies! I was never there in the first place.

    Liked by 1 person

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