Note To Self: I’m An Idiot!!

About 3 weeks ago it was my daughter Becky’s birthday. I hadn’t been able to see her for a few weeks because of this bloody Covid malarkey. Unfortunately, I was due to start work at 3pm on her big day but I made damn sure I went to see her for an hour before I started work. I stood outside her front door, passed her presents to her and had a cup of tea with her whilst social distancing and watching my grandchildren play in the living room (My daughter’s little boy Harry, my grandson, had been unwell and sent home from school, suspected of you-know-what, which it wasn’t) Before I arrived at my daughter’s house, I called into the petrol station to fill up.

When I left my daughter to drive to work, my car started jumping intermittently, slowing down and speeding up. The last thing I needed!

At 10pm, when I finished work, I got in my car with 2 workmates in tow (I was dropping them off at their homes) and put the key in the ignition. After several attempts, she (My car Bonnie) reluctantly spluttered to life. All the way home she jumped, jerked and complained (But not as much as me!)

The following morning I went out to the car and turned her on (Not in a sexual way) and Bonnie spat out a cloud of blue smoke in protest. I turned her off, went back into the house and informed the wife that little Bonnie had Covid! She laughed through gritted teeth and asked me if there was a chance I had put the wrong fuel in her?!?!

It was then it dawned on me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Bonnie drinks diesel, not fuckin unleaded petrol!!!! (Sorry for swearing) In a feeble attempt to excuse my mistake, I had come off a run of night shifts and only managed to get a few hours sleep before I was back at work. So I was tired and in a rush! No excuse I know, but it’s the only one I have so I’m sticking to it!

In the middle of calling myself all kinds of expletives, I searched Google for a local trusted trader. I felt like I’d murdered Bonnie. I scanned the pages of Google and noticed a company called ‘Fuel Doctor’. I rang the number and they came to my house about one hour later.

I was still cursing my stupidity when I saw a van with a rainbow of colours splashed down the side of it pull up outside my house. I went out to the van and began to hand my car keys to the guy climbing out of his van. My first words to him, before he spoke were ” I’ve been driving for 30 years and never made this f$^#ng mistake, putting unleaded in a diesel car, what a twat”!

The guy looked at me shocked but amused and said “I’m the window cleaner mate, but that’s a bummer “!

I looked at his van and it clearly stated, in big white letter ‘Window Cleaner’. I felt very stupid but Of course I apologised and as we laughed at my mistake, the ‘Fuel Doctor’ came around the corner in his bat mobile.

It took the ‘Doc’ 20 minutes to suck the poison out and pump the life giving nectar into Bonnie’s veins. The doc reassured me that she would fully recover from her traumatic experience.

Moral of the story. Don’t overdo it with the shift work and/or the rushing about like a blue arsed fly, or your very own Bonnie may receive an unwanted shock to the system!!