So much more happened throughout our short break, it would be difficult to finish writing it. So here are a few more incidents that stick in the memory.
On our day of arrival, we drove into Skegness Town centre and walked towards the beach so Stu could fulfil his yearning to see and hear the sea, which we did. I’m not sure what it is about the sea, but it’s kind of therapeutic, it sooths the soul and gently confirms you’re on holiday. Now, it wasn’t because of looking at all the water, but all of a sudden, 5 of us needed to visit the little boys room! The only thing was, it costs 20p to syphon the python and shake the booty! Mel was as quick as a flash (He probably had a yearning for a ham shank) Jackie and Ang were not far behind him and Stu brought up the rear because if his difficulties with walking. I didn’t need to go so I waited on the sidelines. They all came back refreshed and relieved, apart from Stu, who was still somewhere in the bowels of the 20p money grabber. Eventually, he came into sight, with a strange satisfied smile on his face. Apparently, Stu struggled to get through the turnstile. Someone saw him fighting to get in and let him into the disabled toilets. What made him happy was he saved 20p, and he was proper chuffed.
Another memory was the Orbital Caper. For those who Don’t know, an Orbiter looks like a dodgem, but smaller and round. It’s equipped with two handles, one to move backwards and forwards, the other one makes it spin. When Jackie climbed into her Orbiter, I asked the ride attendant if he had a miniature one she could use because she’s a midget. The ride attendant laughed and Jackie yelled “Twat” in my direction. Angie climbed in and shot off to destroy everything and everyone, it was as if she was driving a Sherman Tank (The attendant was terrified) Mel got in and went in all directions because he had no clue how to drive it and I randomly drove into everyone. Stu couldn’t join us because of his difficulties, but he was stood on the sidelines laughing. When the ride ended, Angie and I climbed out of our seats fairly easily. Jackie and Mel not so easily. Jackie’s little legs couldn’t reach outside of the Orbiter but eventually got out with a little help. Mel struggled a bit and snagged his testicles on one of the control handles (I’m sure an erection started to develop in his jeans!) It was very funny and I’m sure I heard Mel say “It’s lovely “.
The last little memory happened when we were driving home. Our stomachs were making noises. We spotted a burger van in a field so pulled into a lay-by and walked to the van, where we ordered hot sandwiches and drinks. Stu wandered past us and began walking around the field where the burger van was parked. I was watching him in case he needed help. He Dissappear for a minute then reappeared and walked past us again. I thought nothing of it and turned to chat to the lady who was serving us. Then I glanced behind me and Stu was stood between 2 cars leaning slightly forwards, looking down then all around. He was actually taking a piss between 2 cars that were only about 12 feet from the burger van and in plain sight of the passing traffic. Angie looked in the direction I was looking and quietly said “Fuck”. I have to say it’s very unusual for Mussolini to speak quietly!! Anyway, we grabbed our burgers and drinks and walked quickly to the car, leaving the other 3 to wait for theirs. When we got back to the car, Angie’s bladder needed to empty. So, being a very classy woman, she opened both car doors on the passenger side, ordered me to keep watch, squatted and relieved herself. Just after she had created a river, a man in a van parked about 20 feet in front of us got out of his car, walked to the boot and took his trousers off. He then pulled a pair of overalls on and got back in his car. So, Stu, Angie and the stranger all exposed themselves within minutes of each other. I have coined that particular lay-by ‘Exposure Lane’. No wonder my eyes haven’t stopped bleeding!!!