Rhodes Trip Part 2: A Nightmare unfolds.

Before I get into the nightmare scenario at the airport, I going to reel off the nicknames we all earnt and damn well deserved during the holiday. My name became ‘Satnav Not’, Angie became ‘Sandra the divorcee ‘, Stu became the ‘Wandering Cowboy’, Dave became the ‘Historical Jukebox ‘, Julie became the ‘Laughing Seal and Jackie became ‘Flirty Girty ‘. The reasons behind every nickname will make sense over the course of all 97 episodes.  (Only joking!) It will only be 95……

We unloaded Dave’s car and walked with our baggage to a bus stop to wait for the bus to take us to the airport entrance.  The bus was choka block with passengers so we had to stand in the Isles, which wasn’t great for Stu because of his walking difficulties. (I’m pretty sure Jackie farted because she miraculously created a little bit more room for herself: only joking Jackie!!) We arrived at the entrance and dragged our luggage after us. Before we went into the airport, cigarettes and ecigs were sucked on with great big salivating deep intakes of breath before we entered the lions den. The queue was big but unavoidable.  Luckily, a person who worked at the airport noticed Stu was struggling, so he was led to a seat, where he stayed until we had reached the check-in desk. Angie took charge and ‘Ordered’ everyone to have passports and Covid papers at the ready. I stood and gazed at her and imagined the words that were buzzing around in her Musslini like mind “Zer must be no delays”. (Just joking Angie!!) Anyway, we reached the check-in desk and went through the usual rigmarole, then it was time to weigh the luggage. “You’re overweight ” said the lady in charge. (I thought rude, but fair enough lol) Seriously, all the luggage was over the limit, but Angie disagreed, and produced the paperwork that indicated our luggage allowance.  The woman looked at it very briefly and stuck to her decision, we were overweight. I’m not sure what was going through the minds of the other 5, but I looked at the growing queue behind us and thought ‘Fuuuccckkk’! So, we were advised to stand to the side and take items from our cases and transfer them into our hand luggage. (Didn’t make any kind of sense to me because no matter what Bag our possessions were in, we would still be boarding the plane with the same weight) Anyway, we stood to the side and watched other people go through the check-in without a hitch. Luggage was opened, underwear and other items of clothes were swapped from one to the other. (Not sure what Jackie was carrying in her suitcase, but it was long and sausage shaped, hiding in a black carrier bag) Just joking Jackie!! Stu had been brought across to us and stood watching the Great clothing swap because he couldn’t bend down. Eventually, we finished and waited for the chance to jump in and get our cases re-weighed. We were still over the limit (I really wish I had been over the limit at that precise moment) but it cost us £60 rather than the extortionate amount the first person had quoted us. We paid and moved towards security/customs and then we walked through the duty free shops, looking longingly at the tempting bottles of alcohol.  It didn’t take us long to find a bar and sit down with a cold one, apart from Stu, who strangely, opted for water!! We found the smoking section and looked out onto the runway whilst we puffed away, relaxation overriding our stress levels.  Back at the table in the bar, we finished our first pint, then all meandered towards our boarding gate to sit, chatter like excited kids and wait. About 20 minutes before we were due to board, airport security came into view and ordered everyone to move in the direction she was pointing.  People moved blindly, most of whom, didn’t bother to ask why. Not Angie. Her breasts became bigger and angry, inflated with frustration, and she surprisingly asked in a very calm tone why we were being asked to move, adding our friend Stu was tired and couldn’t walk much further. The security lady said, “A suspicious package has been found, we’re evacuating everyone “. (Hello stress levels, welcomeback!!) We followed the herd of sheep, stopping briefly so Stu could rest. (Angie actually took charge of Stu’s health and went to commandeer a wheelchair. Not sure where she found the wheelchair but we passed a legless old lady trembling on the floor, blood poring from her nose) Joking Angie!! Eventually, we came to a halt because we couldn’t go any further and came to a large room packed to the rafters with a few hundred fellow suffering travellers. We found chairs to sit on and waited and waited and waited and…… A policeman came and stood by the entrance and he was instantly surrounded by inquisitive people, all asking the same bloody question.  After about 3 hours of sitting in what effectively became a sweatbox, the all clear was given and different departure gates began to blink on the screens overhead.

We sat down at the gates and waited again, eventually walking down onto the tarmac towards the big bird waiting to fly us to a little piece of paradise.

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