Fun, Frolics and Flatulence Part Three

After we had all refreshed ourselves with the delicious beer on offer 🤢 (We didn’t drink much more of it, although we did try another one just in case our taste buds had fooled us) we made our way up the two flights of stairs (Stuart was so happy to be given the opportunity to test his climbing abilities: Thanks Mother Hen) The women squeezed into our skimpy swimming costumes, me in and Stu in shorts and off we went back down to the pool. Whilst myself and Stuart immediately  jumped into the crystal clear, inviting water, mother hen and Jackie went on a scouting mission to commandeer 4 sun loungers. Soon, after arranging the beach towels in sharp, military fashion, they joined us in the pool. However, we soon realised that we were in the wrong pool if we wanted (And we wanted) to visit the bar at regular intervals. So, we upped sticks again and walked around to the next pool, found our maximum sun soaking spot under the supervision of you know who, got 4 cold drinks of Vodka and coke, drank up and jumped in the pool, again!!

After we had cooled off in the water, we had a lazy afternoon around the pool, taking a cool dip when needed, reapplying sun cream on mother hens orders and jumped back in to wash it off !! During the afternoon, Stuart insisted that we needed to thank him for getting a better room!! If it wasn’t for him and his difficulties with walking, we would not have ended up in a better apartment with a balcony overlooking the pool! (We were literally a 10 second walk to the pool and bar) Couldn’t really argue with that, so thank god for physical disabilities!

So anyway, that first day of lazing around the pool was memorable for one thing, I saw Stuarts testicles. He was completely oblivious to the fact that his testicles had escaped from his swim shorts and were partaking in a little bit of front crawl all by themselves. Stuart only became aware when we retired up to the apartment to shower, get changed and go back down for dinner and more drinking. He laid down on his bed to remove his shorts, lifted his legs up so Jackie could help with their removal and Jackie noticed them poking out, saying hello. (I could see she was drooling)  She mentioned it to myself and Mother hen, so I had a quick glance and informed Stuart I had already noticed his testicles around the pool. Don’t really think he appreciated the fact I knew he had been flashing but didn’t inform him, but it tickled me.

So, to resume, after resting for an hour, we climbed back down the south face of Everest and went into dinner to discover that the dinner menu was almost identical to the breakfast menu, apart from a few other dishes, like roast beef (I think it was anyway) Could have been lamb, and some rice dishes! There were also a selection of cakes and deserts that were all the colours of the rainbow. Actually, apart from the instant diabetic instigator, they were quite palatable. A waiter came to the table with the drinks we had ordered and we took them with us after we had eaten and wandered outside to choose a table for the evenings events. We found an empty table that meant were sat about 3 feet from the pool and 12 feet from the bar. Lovely. As the sun went down, a multitude of lights came on under the water and gave the place a relaxed, comfortable feeling, it’s actually one of the things I miss. Every night we would try and sit near the waters edge just to enjoy the scene. At the start of every evenings entertainment, the D.J. would play a selection of music and then a kids disco would unravel. I think the only thing about that disco was the woman who led the dance, who was very, very, very, veryyyyyyy hot. (Well, Stuart told me she was anyway!) To be fair to her, she must have been very bored because, well,  she looked very bored. We discussed her role at the complex over drinks and all agreed that a person can only do the same thing a few times before boredom kicks in, so god knows how many times she must have gone through the same routine with different children over the summer. However, we (Me and Stuart) were extremely happy she was sticking with it! The kids who took part, ranged from the ages of about 3 or 4 up to about 8 or 9 (I think) They were very enthusiastic, especially the boys who couldn’t take their eyes of their dance teacher. Over the course of the 8 nights we were there, Stuart did a bloody good job of learning the dance moves, and sometimes, when the mood took him, treated us to the dance moves during the day whilst we were in the pool. The one thing Stuart didn’t take part in was the water gym. Myself, Jackie and mother hen had a laugh doing it.

It turned out that the night time D.J. was also the daytime D.J, the water gym instructor, the water polo instructor, the life guard on the water slides and the bingo caller (More of Bingo Gate in the next episode) Actually, he was very good at what he did and was quite entertaining. The way he spoke over the microphone was very typical of how a Turkish entertainments manager would probably have been portrayed in a TV comedy serial in the 70s, before the do-gooding, politically correct people got their claws into how society should act. When he used the microphone, every sentence he used was finished off with an “Ah” at the end of his last word! For instance, he would say “Five minutes before water polo-ah” or “Gym-ah in five minutes-ah”, which made me smile and gave everything he said a touch of authenticity. Or was he purposefully giving the holiday makers a little bit of “Hi-de-hi?”. Who knows but he was a lovely chap.

Before I end this episode, I feel like I should mention one particular little girl who stole Stuarts heart. She was a tiny little thing, and whatever she did, she never gave up. This included trying to climb out of the kiddies pool and never giving up until she succeeded. I think Stuart liked her “Bulldog spirit” of never giving up. Anyway, he looked for her every day to watch her antics and actually said that even though he wasn’t fond of kids that he would like to buy her! (Alarm bells ringingggggggg) Only joking Stu. Anyway, that’s it for now. There’s a lot more to come, but until then.

4th episode coming soon.