When I Was Johnny English

In the year of our lord, (Or whoever you choose) 2000, a good friend made the family a computer, I think it was a Duron 750 (Which meant nothing to me then and actually, means nothing to me now) All I know is that it took him about 2 months to build the bloody thing, but when it arrived, it was pretty fast. That was the year I, we as a family, went online.

I knew nothing about the internet and the world it had the potential to open up, but I dived headfirst into it like a prawn into a piranha pond. One of the guys I worked with tried to explain the wonders it held, but I didn’t really get it, I merely thought of something and searched for it on the ‘Net’ and voila, up it popped.

It was he (Mark) my workmate, who told me about something called a chatroom, a place that he used to chat to women but a place where anyone could talk to anyone about anything, anywhere in the world.

With the wife’s knowledge and ‘Permission’ I went into this crazy, virtual world, where talking to people on the other side of the world became almost instantaneous, quite enjoyable and commonplace. I remember getting to know a chap who lived and worked in a mountain range in Mexico. I can’t remember what he was working on up in the mountains, but he was isolated for weeks at a time and used a chatroom to prevent himself from going stir crazy I guess. He sent quite a few photographs too me of himself sat outside the small building he was stationed at, casually smoking a cigarette whilst looking down at the stunningly beautiful scenery below him. He also sent me photographs of himself with his wife and child during their vacations. He was very friendly and seemed genuine, very unassuming, and interested in most topics, especially the cold stash of beer in his fridge. He talked about American football and football in England and seemed genuinely interested in English heritage and history. Lovely chap. Wonder what he’s doing now.

It was whilst I was integrating into the chatroom world that I realised I was the only person who didn’t have a catchy name. Maybe that was why only a few people spoke to me! Stupid idea I know, but I thought about it and became Johnny English, and a whole different world opened up to me regarding the amount of people who wanted to talk to me and the type of people who wanted to talk.

It’s worth noting here that I was Johnny English 2 years before the movie of the same name hit the cinemas. When the movie came out I recall saying to the wife “That’s my name, they’ve stolen my name “!!

Of course it was just a coincidence, but it instantly caught my attention.

The world became bigger almost instantaneously, and my next post will detail my unbelievable adventures concerning my time in the chatroom.