In vague relation to my last post about uncontrollable gastronomic flatulence, (No shitting on the toilet) this is about my purely accidental incidents of toilet, bathroom and bedroom encounters that I have been a perpetrator and victim of!
Living in a house with 6 people when the children all lived at home was a recipe for disaster as far as the toilet and bathroom were concerned. I was and I suppose I still am a little absent minded about knocking on doors before I enter, not because I’m ignorant or arrogant or even perverted but because sometimes I just don’t think to knock!! I was forever walking into the bathroom when someone was already sat on the throne, their faces flushed with pushing or taking a shower, only coming to my senses when the occupier shouted “Oi, I’m in here” or “Outtttt”. Luckily, we always saw the funny side and laughed about it.
Weirdly, I unfortunately witnessed how big they were all getting and how fast they were all growing up through witnessing the continual growth of their backsides!
As they all moved into their teenage years they had girlfriends and boyfriends, some of whom would come to the house to eat, drink, chat, laugh and occasionally stay over. Two unforgettable and regrettable incidents are seared into my memory.
Episode one involved my youngest sons girlfriend. I had just stepped out of the shower and had towelled myself dry, dropping the towel to the floor when the bathroom door opened. Matt’s girlfriend (Can’t remember her name) got a full view of a mature man in his birthday suit. In a split second her gaze travelled down to my nether regions and for some obscure reason I instinctively placed one hand over my appendage and strangely, one hand over one, yes, just one of my nipples! I remember saying very calmly and very bleeding obviously “I’m in here”. Red faced, she closed the door very carefully without a word and we never spoke about it, avoiding eye contact at all costs!! I mentioned the incident to Matt and the wife after his girlfriend had left the house and we laughed for quite a long time.
Episode two, involved my eldest son and his girlfriend. My eldest son Nick, always spent most of his time in his bedroom so it followed that when he brought his girlfriend back to the house, they would spend most of their time in his bedroom during the day. On this particular occasion, I was making myself a cup of tea. I could hear his music blasting out upstairs so went up and without thinking I walked straight into his room to be met with the sight of his bare arse and his girlfriend scrambling around trying to cover herself up! I quickly closed the door and asked “Would you like a cup of tea”? Nick called out “No thanks “ as I heard her giggling nervously. I don’t believe I saw her again after that because they parted company not long after.
I guess It was funny in a bumbling sort of way and since then I’ve learnt to knock and talk from the other side of the door.
Even now, I still occasionally forget to knock on the bathroom door before entering but I’m getting better at remembering someone might be in there. So the moral of this tale is, never invite me around to your house without knowing the dangers it entails!